Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
