a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
