His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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