I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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