Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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