i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
