I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
