I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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