I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
