Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
