He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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