so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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