We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
