If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
