Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
