I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just blew my weed a kiss
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
His nipple licking is glorious
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
