Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
