if you like me you must not know who I am
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
