Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
