So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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