Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
