it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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