So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
