Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
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