Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
