Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
