But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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