he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize