This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
