I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
