Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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