he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
