so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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