I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
