that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
