so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
