I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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