I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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