Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
