I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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