Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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