she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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