Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
