can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
