i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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