During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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