Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
