So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
