my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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