Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize