Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
