woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
