I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
