this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
