i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
