woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
