I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
