No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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