It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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