hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
