you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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