i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
