I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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