State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
