god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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