my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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