So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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