I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I did not marry a roomba.
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