It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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