and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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