your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
