I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
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My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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