Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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