i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
